At the risk of sounding old....

Be warned, this is a rant.
What the F**ck! At the risk of sounding old, why do people do this to each other. I met someone the other day. Her, now, ex-husband left her for for her best friend. Another friend was about to move with his significant other of 5 years only to be informed, after they put their house on the market that she wouldn't be going with him but would be staying behind to be with someone else. My former girlfriend has after the fact started dating a guy that expressed his desire for her long before she broke up with me... I could go on and on and I'm sure you could add to it. What is this behavior? Relational sabotage? Childishness? Lack of self-esteem? The desperate attempt to make real the notion that relationships can't work (self fulfilling prophecies in action)?
I hope that there is such a thing as karma. The future will be ugly for a lot of people. But true or not it's a shame that people don't believe in it more widely. Maybe it would cause them to think about their actions. Think beyond themselves. Think beyond the here and now.
God I sound old. This is about to head into a bitch session on people taking responsibility for themselves. For the decisions they make. That's pretty silly. I rather doubt most people actually think about things enough to call it a decision making process. It's rather more like a child in a toy store. Something catches the child's eye and they want it and because they want it they should have it.
If you're in a relationship shouldn't that relationship stand or fall on it's own merits? Not whether the person next to you on the train or at the bar might be more fun? If you find yourself sitting at a four course meal do you really need to run next door to McDonalds for a side dish? If you have bothered to get involved with someone don't you owe it to that person to talk about how you feel? About the relationship? And how many people claim that their partner doesn't make them happy, and also don't talk to their partner about it. Hello! are you not responsible for your own happiness? If you're old enough to be in a relationship your old enough to wipe your own ass. Doesn't a relationship between two people, be it friends with benefits or a marriage, imply a commitment to address the needs of the relationship? Is communicating that hard?
And yes, being alone is simpler. Having someone else in your life takes effort. Work. (Even a submissive requires training) You get out what you put in. If you don't want the hassle then don't mess with another persons life. Pay for the sex or take care of yourself. But do people really need to twist the lives of others for their own gratification? If someone offers you their heart think long and hard before accepting it - it comes with a serious responsibility. If you can't handle it or are too lazy to care for it then don't take it. Walk away. Let the person know. Be honest with yourself and with them. You don't have to be mature enough to accept the responsibility but be mature enough to communicate that.
Of course I leave out the true Machiavellians. I met a woman who almost married a man that had led her to believe that he had MS. They had been together for six years and were three weeks from their wedding. He also had another engagement in the works. Nice. I dated a woman who claimed she wanted a casual, light relationship when what she was really pursuing was to be married and pregnant and staying at home. And one wonders why some people are so gun-shy about relationships. Do these people lie to themselves as well. Are they such good liers that they believe themselves? Do they take pleasure in the destruction or is it the lying itself that they enjoy?
Enough, I'm going to take a bath... would you mind plugging in that toaster for me?

Of late...

Of late I get nothing done. I contemplate sorting out my life. Evaluating. Changing. I do nothing. It's kind of like being in high school again - much time spent on introspection little actually accomplished. Everyone should go through such a period - in high school not in their 40's.
My life has changed a great deal in the past 2 years. Some of it for the better, some of it not but most of all it has changed. I've gone from being miserable with a mission to deliriously happy to lost and confused. Maybe this is the nature of relationships.
I'm a sink with the ship sort of person. I stick with relationships, jobs, projects until the ship has settled on the bottom and the silt has settled. I used to think this was an admirable trait now perhaps I realize that it is a fault.
One of the things that hasn't changed is my need to communicate. One of the things that has is my means of communicating. I used to communicate with those closest to me, my wife until she decided she no longer wanted to be married, my friends, particularly during the 5 years that my ex-wife took to formulate and execute her exit strategy, an unlikely lover, until she got scared and ran away, which I don't fault her for - but she was also my friend and should have remained so even if she felt she wasn't ready to be with me. I like to talk. I like to talk face to face. I like to be connected to another person.
With today's technology it's easy to communicate, there are so many ways to reach out to others and for them to reach out to you. When my young lover left she shut down the avenue of communication that I used most often. I had so much to discuss. So much I needed, so much that I wanted her to know. It was killing me to keep it all in so finally I decided to write it down. Day after day in my decent into madness; One ride after another on my emotional roller coaster. Anger, sorrow, despair, hope, understanding, compassion and finally healing. I wrote a small book. It's not any easy read. Kind of like rummaging through someones garbage to get an understanding of them. If you can look at the story written in that garbage it might make sense. If you look only at the pieces... not good. No, It won't go up here. It was never really meant to be read by anyone.
Before I ramble on into the sunset; In a nutshell, I have taken to writing down the things that I used to communicate with others. It's cathartic. It keeps the dark thoughts from poisoning your heart. It allows you to make sense of the confusing thoughts. It keeps the introspection to a healthy limit. And maybe it can help others. This will be my newest form of communication, we'll see how it works out.
Enough for now. There's always plenty of stuff spinning around in my head. I'll be back when I find the time to let it out.

Be well all.

1st Post

Just a start for now.